The Life and Times of A-Prov

1. When I was four years old, my Mom and my aunt took me and my cousin to the food court at the mall for lunch. While at the table, I sneezed, and out shot a hard little green pellet from my nose. Apparently, I had stuffed a pea up my nose the week before, to save for a healthy afternoon snack. 2. When I was three, I got an M&M stuck in my belly button. 3. When I was five, I pooped a nickel on the 4th of July, and then cried when Mom wouldn't fish it out of the gas station toilet for me. I still remember seeing it...looking back at me through the watery abyss. 4. When I was in the sixth grade, the teacher made me sit out a Dodgeball game because she said I was throwing too hard. I'm still bitter. 5. I wore sweatpants nearly everyday from the age of 6 all the way up through middle school. Style was of no importance to me because I had to be able to move around freely, so I would be at my optimum dodgeball playing ability each day. The only reason why I thin

Well, I figured that I had to share an entertaining story about something that happened to me a couple of days ago, and that contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect... So with out further ado...I have another story to add to the 'Wall' (soon to be an entire 'Hall') of Shame. Here's the background. So I was at a car dealership picking up their packages upstairs in the accounting office, where I've been going every day for the past five years. I know everybody and everybody knows me. [I'm kind of big deal.=)] After going upstairs, I go down to the parts department through a shortcut door to pick up packages there too. Well, that Friday, someone locked that door, which had never happened before, meaning I would have to walk outside and around the entire dealership to get to the parts department. I was a little miffed. So after I checked the door, I did a quick 180 and at a fast pace , it was with jack rabbit quickness, I headed for an outside si

I received a call from my Dad on Sunday saying that Grandma Provance had passed away earlier that morning. The funeral would be on Friday in Illinois. FedEx gave me a week off work to go to the funeral. I had the option of flying in to Illinois or making a road trip out of it. I opted for the road trip. It had been a long time since I'd been on one, and I always enjoy them. I was contemplating what time I was going to leave, and decided to leave at 4pm on Tuesday and then drive 24 hours straight to Illinois. Why drive 24 hours straight when I could drive halfway and then spend the night at a hotel, you guy? It's a pride thing. I didn't bring an atlas either. Why not? It's a guy thing. So off I went! I chose to take I-80 all the way to Illinois, which meant spending over a thousand miles on the same freeway. BORING. I'll tell you this much. I've been on several long road trips all over the country, and I'm gonna tell ya, Nebraska may be one of the worst state